Two Newfies walk into a pet shop. They go directly over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy,"Dat's dem. The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them.

Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere," says Gerry, "Put dem in a peeper bag."

The clerk puts the budgies in a bag, and the two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop. They get into Gerry's
van and drive to 'Come-By-Chance'. They keep going until they are high up on a hill and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop.

Dis looks like a grand place, eh?" says Gerry He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds, before he hits the rocks below with a 'SPLAT!'

As Paddy looks down he shakes his head and says, "Fock dat, dis budgie jumpin' is too fockin' dangerous fer me."

Bubba had Shingles


> Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's

> Office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem

> That more and more that physicians are running

> Their practices like an assembly line? Here's

> What happened to Bubba:


> Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the

> Receptionist asked him what he had.

> Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down his

> Name, address, medical insurance number and

> Told him to have a seat.


> Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out

> And asked Bubba what he had.


> Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down

> His height, weight, a complete medical history

> And told Bubba to wait in the examining room.


> A half hour later a nurse came in and asked

> Bubba what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So the

> Nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure

> Test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take

> off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.


> An hour later the doctor came in and asked Bubba

> What he had. Bubba said, shingles. The doctor

> Asked, Where?


> Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want them?"


Ten Thoughts to Ponder. . ..

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at
which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see
him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;
teach a person to use the Internet and they won't
bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good
for anything, but you still can't help but smile when
you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying
in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It
pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty

Number 2
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world
weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac
to make it normal.

We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease
is located among the millions and millions of cows in
America but we haven't got a clue as to where
thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are
located. Maybe we should put the Department of
Agriculture in charge of immigration.