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Thread: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

  1. #411

    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    Quote Originally Posted by Maxx View Post
    Driving skills were awesome. Thought the house was a gonner too. Lol.

    As for the criminals, they should think themselves lucky they were in Edmonton and not in the USA or we’d be seeing a different outcome. That girls roof plunge was pretty cool. Lol




    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    A Christian Trucker’s Story of Redemption http://www.ShinySideUp.ca

  2. #412

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
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    Vancouver Island, BC
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    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    What do a hand grenade and a women have in common?







    Remove the ring and your whole house is gone.
    Cheers
    Maxx

    One of the good things about living in a small community is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

  3. #413

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Vancouver Island, BC
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    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    The Senior Flight attendant was obviously very Gay but he seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he walked down the aisle serving drinks during the flight.

    As the plane descended he came swishing down the aisle & told everyone "Capt. Marvel has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly , so lovely people, if you could just put up your trays & seats up that would be super".

    On his trip back up the aisle he noticed a well-dressed Arabic looking woman who hadn't moved a muscle... "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked that you raise your tay so that the main man can put this plane on the ground"

    She glared at him & said "In my country I am a Princess & take orders from no-one below my social rank".

    To which the flight attendant replied "Well sweet cheeks in my country I'm a QUEEN, so I out rank you...Tray-up *****"



    Cheers
    Maxx

    One of the good things about living in a small community is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

  4. Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:



    A Senior Moment

  5. #415

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Vancouver Island, BC
    Posts
    8

    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

    The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

    The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
    The young man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, “The Double Mint Twins are coming” and I grinned.

    Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, “Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling”, and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, “William’s Big Stick Did the Trick”, and I could hardly contain myself.

    BUT, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, “Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident”, I just lost it.

    “CASE DISMISSED!!”
    Cheers
    Maxx

    One of the good things about living in a small community is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

  6. #416

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Vancouver Island, BC
    Posts
    8

    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.


    As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, ‘What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on.


    Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs. While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

    Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.


    ‘They’re not hanging Wright tonight,’ she said.


    He whirled around and screamed, ‘ GOOD GRIEF WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?’
    Cheers
    Maxx

    One of the good things about living in a small community is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

  7. #417

    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Vancouver Island, BC
    Posts
    8

    Default Re: A Couple of Lighter Moments:

    A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard he tells him,"Randy, I want you to pace yourself, you have a lot of chickens to service and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun but take your time. The farmer points him toward the hen house and the rooster takes off like a shot.WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Randy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Randy runs to the pigpen, the cow pasture -- soon, he's been on every animal on the farm.
    The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the day.
    Sure enough, the farmer wakes up the next morning to find Randy laid out flat in the middle of the yard, buzzards circling overhead.
    The sad farmer shakes his head and says, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself."
    Randy opens one eye, winks, and nods towards the sky, "Shhh, they're getting closer."
    Cheers
    Maxx

    One of the good things about living in a small community is when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

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